When I reach goals, I have this pesky tendency to deflate. There's always the short burst of smiles and hugs, the receipt of really thoughtful cards and gifts, the happy phone calls, the celebratory dinners...but then...it's over. Then, suddenly, I get comfortable. And being comfortable is about the last place I want to be (that, typed from the most comfortable chair in the house with a baby alpaca wool blanket hand crocheted by my mom wrapped around me).
When I graduated from PA school and came home to my very loving and very happy home, I had a lot of trouble adjusting to it. I had a job at a clinic down the street and I'd be able to settle into 'real life' in no time. Only, I totally couldn't. My whole life, I've told myself that I don't do well with change. The real problem, though, is that I don't do well when there's no hope of change for the future.
And don't get me wrong, that whole 'living in the moment,' 'being grateful for what you have' business is valid. But I think we humans are a little more complex than that. If you're grateful for what you have, if you want nothing else out of this life, what the heck is the point of going on? And that's how I feel after accomplishing every goal--I wonder what's left? What am I going to strive for now? And right after finishing a big thing, that's a hard question to answer because you haven't formulated your next big thing yet. And that's why that lull time, that time of 'change,' is so hard for me.
So, that's where I am now. I've got some ideas about my next step, but first I gotta get out of this little valley (or off this mountaintop?). The view is good from here, but I'm about ready to start toward that very green meadow, there in the distance.
When I graduated from PA school and came home to my very loving and very happy home, I had a lot of trouble adjusting to it. I had a job at a clinic down the street and I'd be able to settle into 'real life' in no time. Only, I totally couldn't. My whole life, I've told myself that I don't do well with change. The real problem, though, is that I don't do well when there's no hope of change for the future.
And don't get me wrong, that whole 'living in the moment,' 'being grateful for what you have' business is valid. But I think we humans are a little more complex than that. If you're grateful for what you have, if you want nothing else out of this life, what the heck is the point of going on? And that's how I feel after accomplishing every goal--I wonder what's left? What am I going to strive for now? And right after finishing a big thing, that's a hard question to answer because you haven't formulated your next big thing yet. And that's why that lull time, that time of 'change,' is so hard for me.
So, that's where I am now. I've got some ideas about my next step, but first I gotta get out of this little valley (or off this mountaintop?). The view is good from here, but I'm about ready to start toward that very green meadow, there in the distance.
No comments:
Post a Comment